


Please don't leave

by PoemAboutCitylights



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Coma Kylo, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Unconsciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-02 07:40:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13313562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoemAboutCitylights/pseuds/PoemAboutCitylights
Summary: When Kylo Ren falls unconscious after their ship is attacked, General Hux discovers something about himself.





	1. Chapter 1

The day everything changed was the day nothing could have seemed more normal at first. If such a thing as a boring day existed on the Finalizer, then this might be the time to go with that phrase. Despite the fact that General Hux knew very well that his inner clock would wake him on time – as always – he had still set an alarm before he had went to bed, just to make sure – as always.  
He had gotten up with a dull headache, nothing unusual these days with the natural balance of the forces in the universe faltering. Then he had dressed quickly, in his dark uniform with his long coat. Not his best one, the one he usually wore when Snoke called for him but he liked the one he wore that day. It was of a smooth fabric that felt soft beneath his fingertips and it kept him warm on a spaceship where coldness was creeping through the smallest gaps in its construction.  
He had made the same effort as every day to comb his hair and had only left his quarters when he had been sure that everything was in place.  
After all, how was he supposed to teach his crew discipline and order if he himself didn’t follow the simplest rules?  
He had been one of the first on the bridge that morning and had found himself pleased with that, given that he could get much more work done without being interrupted by insignificant issues of the troopers. And on a ship with more than 8000 troopers and 19000 officers, there were _a lot_ of issues Hux had to deal with that he didn’t consider _anywhere_ near his original tasks. Lately, Captain Phasma had fortunately taken care of those things and Hux was positive that he would be able to focus on his weapon more once fleeing troopers and poorly-programmed droids would not come in between all the time.  
So after he had checked on the turbo lasers and their fuel reserves as each morning, he kept an eye on the radar screen.  
After a while, Captain Phasma walked in and greeted him with a, “Good morning, General.”  
Hux gave her a nod, “Everything’s in order with the troops?”  
She sat down next to him, a little too close for Hux’ liking and kept glancing over at the radar screen while answering.  
“Yes, General. We are currently working on a psychosocial early warning system for potential rebels on this ship. And in our own ranks.”  
Hux raised an eyebrow at her and his mood immediately dropped, “I thought I had made it clear before that renegade troops or droids or whoever else that could desert is a failure. In. It. Self.”  
He stressed each of his last words and kept a cold look.  
“Those tests should not be necessary in the first place.”  
Phasma lowered her gaze and nodded, “Your concerns were noted, General. But-…”  
“Noted?” Hux asked in disbelieve and froze, “my opinion shall not just be _noted_ but carried out, are we clear?”  
“Yes, General, but - …”  
Hux raised a hand to shut her up, “Carry on with your tests, for now. In the long run, it is not a solution, though. We have to be 100 % sure we don’t have any rebels on this ship beforehand.”  
“I agree with you, General. We will do our best.”  
Hux let out a deep sigh and shook his head slightly. If only he had more time to look after the troopers himself, to make sure everything was done correctly…  
But Phasma was the most capable captain on the ship in a while so he should not complain, Hux thought.  
“We’re finished, here,” Hux said and waved her off.  
“Thank you, General,” Phasma answered and when she got up, hell broke loose.  
The first second, it was just a vibration, spreading through Hux’ body in waves but in the blink of an eye, it felt as if a tsunami had crashed over Hux’ head and all the lights in the bridge went out at once.  
His head hid the screens in front of him and he could not help sliding to the ground and laying still for what felt like an eternity but was probably just a few minutes until the pain in his temples wore off a little and the emergency power of the Finalizer was activated, suddenly illuminating the bridge in flashy neon lights that hurt his eyes.  
“Are you okay, General?” Phasma asked from somewhere behind him, apparently having overcome the shock faster than him. Hux’ lips formed a thin line.  
“Why wouldn’t I be?” he asked, rhetorically, and got up on shaky legs.  
It took him a few seconds to gain orientation again and the fact that the screens were still of a dark black did not help, obviously.  
So he asked, “What has just happened?” but Captain Phasma was not listening to him. Instead, she was busy with her communicator which reminded Hux of his own.  
He fiddled it out of a pocket of his cloak and was greeted with a hologram instantly.  
“General Hux,” that the droid that reported back to him, “we have been hit.”  
Hux’ voice was embarrassingly high when he asked, “What?” but the droid did not show any kind of reaction and continued with his monotone voice.  
“We have been hit by an X-Wing. It has not been on radar.”  
_What?_ Hux rubbed the bridge of his nose and hoped that it would clear his mind to make sense of this. An X-Wing was far too small to cause whatever they had just experienced.  
He forced himself to speak in a calm voice, “Tell me more. What has been hit? Are there any losses?”  
The hologram flickered but the connection remained.  
“We were hit into our power supplies. Short circuits almost everywhere on the ship.”  
_God damnit_ , Hux thought and hit one of the screens in his reach with his fist. Naturally, the power supply was one of the weaknesses of an overall almost perfect ship and to find it, the rebels must have had an insider providing information.  
And also, why hadn’t the X-Wing been on his radar? How was that possible?  
However, the droid did not give him any time to think and continued with his report.  
“The quarters above have been destroyed.”  
Hux knew what the droid was about to say because he knew who lived in the quarters above their power supply: Kylo Ren, the idiot.  
“Lord Ren has been severely injured and is being transferred to the medical station right now.”  
Hux thought another word that he would never get away with when saying out loud and this time, he could stop himself from hitting the screens again.  
So the wannabe Vader had managed to get in trouble even in the safety of the ship. Hux was so done with having to clean up the mess that Ren left. He could not hold back a groan.  
Hux knew that he was not being fair, the attack had not been Ren’s fault, after all, but the kid was always around when something bad happened.  
Or he was the _reason_ why something bad happened, for instance whenever he destroyed parts of Hux’ ship with his bloody lightsaber.  
 “But he’s alive?” he asked the droid and for the split of a second, Hux found himself hoping for a _No_.  
“He is. But unconscious. Our emergency powers have not been affected.”  
Hux nodded angrily and switched off his communicator.  
He then took a deep breath and kept his chin up, turning around to face Phasma. From the look in her eyes, she had listened to everything the droid had said.  
“Go see the damage yourself, Captain. I need first-hand information. And bring the data you can extract from the X-Wing.”  
Phasma seemed startled for a bit, apparently wondering why Hux did not insist on doing that himself.  
“And you, General?”  
Hux broke their eye contact, “I’ll look after him.”  
“After Lord Ren?” she asked, failing at hiding her surprise.  
“Yes, Captain. Is there any problem with that?” he squinted his eyes and watched when Phasma shrugged her shoulders almost invisibly.  
He sent her off and picked up speed when he walked down the long corridor that connected the bridge with the rest of the ship. The emergency lights were still on, creating an even colder atmosphere on the ship and the lighting still hurt his eyes.  
Hux did not even know himself why he had felt the sudden urge to go check on Kylo Ren a few seconds ago.  
He knew that the anger he felt in his guts was unfair, Ren had nothing to do with what had happened. And still, he could not deny that he wanted to let his anger, his frustration of being attacked out of the blue, out on someone. And it was so easy to be angry at Ren, maybe he _was_ responsible for this mess, after all? He had overheard too many of Ren’s conversations with Snoke not to know of the light that was still running through Kylo’s veins. And could he be sure that the kid was strong enough to resist the temptation? That Ren was _smart_ enough to do so?  
Maybe checking on him wasn’t the smarted move now. Could Hux be sure that he wouldn’t get carried away and not strangle the wannabe?  
But in contrast to Ren, Hux _was_ smart. So he kept going.  
He only needed 10 minutes for the 2000 meters to the medical station Kylo had been transferred to and he was a little out of breath when he arrived. Over here, the light was not as bright as it had been on the bridge and Hux wondered if that was because of the patients or if the better parts of their emergency power was reserved for the higher ranks.  
A medical droid rolled over to where Hux was standing.  
“Good day, General Hux,” it said and Hux suppressed the urge to kick it.  
“Who do you want to visit?”  
“I’m coming for Lord Ren.” Once again, he was glad that the droids did not show nor felt any kind of reaction to what he had just said, apart from the pure facts.  
“I will show you the way,” the droid answered and rolled off through a completely white corridor without any windows. Of course it didn’t have any since they were in the centre of the ship but Hux had gotten so used to his view from the Finalizer’s bridge and his quarters that he started to feel a little uncomfortable.  
He swallowed to get rid of the feeling.  
The little droid steered towards a hydraulic door to their right but before it could open it, one of the doctors stepped in their way.  
Hux did not have to look up to know that surprise was showing on his face.  
“General Hux,” he was greeted, “I suppose you are coming for Lord Ren?”  
The doubt was evident in the doctor’s voice and Hux wondered if the medic suspected him of secretly wanting to murder Ren.  
(Was he?)  
It wasn’t a well hid secret, after all, that they did not get along.  
“I am. He might have detailed information of the attack.”  
The doctor flinched, “But he is unconscious, General. In coma.”  
“I know that!” Hux scowled, “now, I would like to be let inside, _doctor_.”  
The medic hesitated for a second but when Hux intensified his glance, he opened the door with his key card.  
Hux just prayed that he would have a doctor with enough spine, would it one day be _him_ behind that door and a furious Kylo Ren in front of it.  
He still wasn’t sure why he was coming here when the doctor lend him inside and held open the door until it closed behind him with familiar “shushhh” whenever a room was sealed airtight.  
He realized that it was very silent in the room once the door was closed, apart from ventilation machine next to the hospital bed. The lights were still dimmed and it took Hux a few seconds to adjust to the new situation. From where he was standing, he could only see the back of Ren and his thick, dark hair nestling into a pile of pillows. He was apparently laying on his side in case he woke up and vomited, with his back facing the door.  
Having the kid right in front of Hux only fuelled his anger and one of his hands that he had hid away in a pocket of his coat formed a fist without him really noticing.  
What had he done in his life to share a ship with this kid?  
Even 2915 meters were not enough to not be confronted with Ren’s actions on a daily basis.  
The heels of his boots were abnormally loud when he stepped further into the room but Kylo didn’t even flinch. He was, like he had been told, unconscious.  
Without really knowing why, Hux suddenly felt furious. Felt his headache lighting up again like a spark, felt his indisposing to be in rooms without a window burning a way through his stomach.  
His jaw was clenched when he walked around the bed, his gaze fixed on Ren’s broad figure under the grey blankets and the black hair that seemed to be everywhere.  
It was only when he was standing on the other side of the bed from where he could see Ren’s face, that everything he had felt just a second ago was gone, vanished and he wished that he had never come here in the first place.  
That he had never seen Ren like his.  
He wanted to turn on his heels and flee out of the room, away from the medical station and into his quarters, his safe haven, but his legs were suddenly as a heavy as steel, keeping him chained to the ground and forced to stare at Ren.  
Even in the dim light of the emergency power supply, the skin of Kylo’s face was incredibly pale in contrast to the grey sheets. Hell, it was too damn pale in contrast to _everything_.   
There was dried blood running down from his forehead to his lip as if it had been caught in the process and one of his eyes was swollen. The scar running over his cheek was almost not drawing any attention in comparison to the fresh red cut right below his eyebrow. Blood had dripped down from that and the doctors had apparently tried to wipe it away but it had got tangled up in his eyelashes.  
Hux suspected that he had disturbed the doctors while cleaning the blood off Kylo’s face.  
The General still felt frozen in shock and he was running completely on instincts when he sat down on the chair that was standing next to the hospital bed, his gaze still not leaving Ren’s face.  
Apart from the obvious wounds, there was something far more disturbing for Hux: that despite all of it, Ren looked more peaceful than he had in years. With his eyes closed and face totally relaxed, he looked so much younger than usual, probably as young as he actually was.  
The anger he had felt seconds ago was completely gone.  
Suddenly, he felt something tugging on his headache, a gust of wind nudging his head – no, his _mind_ – and his spine straightened.  
What in space…?

_Someone’s here…_

Hux froze. The words had appeared on his mind as if they were his own thoughts and yet he knew they weren’t, he could clearly hear Ren’s strained voice. Just not with his ears but his _mind_ …?  
“It is me,” he answered automatically but Ren could not hear him, could he? He was in a coma after all, was he not?  
His face was still unchanged and there wasn’t any sign that he was alive apart from the slow heaving of his chest.

_I…_

It felt as if Ren was trying to say something again, but he sounded extremely out of breath, as if he was still in severe pain.

_I didn’t… I didn’t think… someone would come._

The words were reaching out to Hux and he instinctively leaned a little closer to Ren, as if he was able to hear him clearer – which of course wasn’t the case. It must cost him a lot of energy – energy he clearly did not have at the moment – to make contact with Hux.  
When words filled Hux’ mind again, they were full of fear and if the General hadn’t known that unconscious could not get panic attacks, he would be extremely worried.

_Thank… you for-… coming._

Hux felt cold. So very cold in just his uniform, remembering the thoughts which had accompanied him on his way to the station. Ren knew that it was him, didn’t he? He must know that Hux would have never visited him for charity?  
“Ren… Ren, it is me, General Hux. An X-Wing of the rebellion has hit our power supplies and your quarters. You are in a coma at the moment or… I actually don’t know.”  
Hux let out a huff of breath. People in a coma could not communicate, could they? But then again, Kylo knew how to manipulate the _force_ , so…  
Hux was confused. Confused and suddenly oh-so cold. Was it Ren’s subconscious speaking? Could he even hear what Hux was saying?

_So… alone…_

The words reached Hux mind right when one of the machines next to him went off with an alarm and two doctors and a medical droid entered the room.  
“What happened?” the doctor called out and Hux knew that he rather meant _What have you done?_  
He hadn’t done anything, had he? He once again looked down at Ren but everything remained the same: his bruised face, his almost lifeless figure, the blood on his soft lips. He jumped up from where he was sitting and said, “Nothing, doctor. Check on him.”  
When he had reached the middle of the room, panicking words flooded his mind again.

_No, please… Don’t leave me…_

Hux froze in shock, half expecting that the medical crew had heard the words as well but no one paid him any attention anymore. He fastened his steps, pushing against the door and painfully hitting his knee while trying to escape as fast as possible.

_Please_

Hux left and started running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first Star Wars fanficition so please be gentle with me ;)  
> I have already written the whole story and will post it as three chapters.
> 
> It would be highly appreciated if you told me what you think and maybe left kudos xx  
> Thanks for reading!  
> Johanna


	2. Chapter 2

After hours and hours of tossing and turning, Hux eventually accepted that he would not find any sleep tonight.   
So he quickly took a shower in his refresher and got dressed, worrying less about a flawless appearance than the day before.   
When he reached the bridge, there wasn’t the lonely peace he had wished for. Of course not, after such an attack.   
“We have been looking for you, General,” Phasma said without greeting him and the look in her sparkling eyes was furious.   
“I was…”   
What was he supposed to say? Hux hadn’t even thought about visiting the bridge on his way back from the medical station.   
“I had things to do,” he snapped back at her. Phasma was wearing her suit of armor, her helmet pinned between her elbow and side, representing the force of their army on a day like this.   
He should have worn his best coat, Hux supposed.   
“What things?” she asked and the usual submissiveness in her tone was gone completely. Had she heard of what had happened when he had been with Ren?   
“Nothing of your business, _Captain_ ,” Hux answered and was glad that his voice sounded as cold as always. She did not break their eye contact, as he would have expected.   
“How is Lord Ren?” she asked, watching his every move.   
_She knows._   
“I heard that-…”   
He interrupted her harshly, “What you heard is wrong. I didn’t to anything to our precious Lord. Now, off you go!”   
She let out a sound that he would have identified as a chuckle, under other circumstances.   
“I heard that his quarters will not be restored for another few weeks. But I’m glad you didn’t try to kill him.”   
Hux growled and squinted his eyes, watching her leave.   
A boring day would be exactly what he’d need today. But when had the force ever been in his favour?  
Phasma turned around again, “I sent you my report of the damage. In case you want to see it yourself, you should hurry.”  
Of course, Hux wanted to see it himself.  
He should have seen it yesterday, already. But he had gotten carried away by… what? His anger at someone who had nothing to do with any of this?  
This was not what Hux expected of himself. He was the General, after all.   
_Order and discipline.  
_ He repeated those words again and again on his way to the destroyed part of the ship.

Hux did not know what he had expected but when he reached said part, he was speechless for a minute or two.   
The hole the X-Wing had torn into the ship wasn’t even that big but it had left a trail of chaos on it’s way right into their power supply, including some of the private quarters of those of high rank.   
Loose bars of metal and chrome were lying everywhere, making it hard to find a way through this mess and they could be more than glad that the heavy walls separating their power units from the rest of the ship had slowed down the X-Wing enough to make it stop.   
The remains of the little spaceship looked as if it had been in a squeezer. Whoever had flown that ship had obviously lost their life on that mission.   
If it had been a mission, after all.   
Sure, the damage was heavy but not so much that it couldn’t be fixed. So maybe a one-man show of an overenthusiastic pilot?   
They would probably never now.   
It wasn’t the first time something like this happened and usually, it would not really bother him that much.   
Only this time, the X-Wing hadn’t even been on their radar. How was that possible?

Hux spend the rest of the day talking to the mechanics and engineers that were already working to fix the damage. He then read Phasma’s report and added a few passages here and there.   
When he was about to make his way back to the bridge, he reached the intersection that would bring him to the medical station where Ren way lying.   
He did not want to go back there. Did not want to see Kylo like that again and yet, the decision was already made.   
This time, he made sure that none of the doctors saw him when he fumbled for his key card that gave him access to all areas of the Finalizer. The door opened with its usual sibilant and Hux closed it carefully. No one would even know that he was here if only he did not set off another alarm.   
He did not feel the full impact of his decision to come here until he turned towards the bed; Ren was lying on his back now, all the blood gone from his face but the prize he had paid still evident.   
Fresh cuts were still plastering his face, only his swollen lip looked some better than the day before.   
His feet moved automatically and soon, Hux found himself in the chair next to the hospital bed once again. That piece of plastic helping Ren breathing was still in place.   
What was he even doing here?   
Ren lay completely still and there was no nudging on Hux mind – for which he was glad. He hated it enough when Snoke wandered around in his head.   
So eventually, it was him who broke the silence.   
“I’m back,” he said and stated the obvious – or not, given that Ren was in a coma and probably couldn’t hear anything he said.  
“To visit you,” he added and drew in a sharp breath.   
There was no reaction from the Jedi-kid whatsoever.   
Hux sighed.   
“And I don’t even know why. But it’s not as if I had anything better to do.”   
He just looked at Ren for a while, watching how his broad chest was heaving under the grey covers. Despite the fact that he was lying in a hospital bed, he still looked so very powerful, with his broad shoulders and still dressed in his black robes.  
Just two days earlier, Hux had hated that. Had hated how Kylo Ren had managed to look so _powerful_ while really being just a kid in mask, desperately trying to match Vader.   
But when looking at him now, seeing the same power in every inch of him, it made Hux feel different.   
And he started to wonder if it was hope, forming in his stomach.   
“You better get well soon,” Hux said and his own voice sounded oddly strange to his ears. He once again wondered what he was doing. He did not suddenly care about the kid, did he?

He felt that _thing_ in the room before he heard Ren’s voice in his thoughts. It nudged his whole body this time, preventing him from falling forwards in shock.

_You’re back…_

So Kylo _did_ know it was him.   
His voice still sounded as if it was in pain and there was still fear in it.

_Why?_

The question, the simplest and yet hardest question of all, was hovering in the air for many moments. Hux just did not know what to say, nor feel. So he decided to ignore it.  
“Are you still in pain?”   
Kylo did not answer and Hux didn’t need one: He had heard it in his voice. In the vulnerability that Kylo would never have let slip otherwise.

_It feels… it feels like I’m dying._

Hux sat still, clenching his jaw.

_Apart from when you’re talking to me._

There it was again, that urge to just get up and run out of the room, out of the station, hell, he even felt like throwing himself off the fucking ship.   
But Hux stayed.

_I can’t tell what’s real and what is not._

Hux laid gaze on Ren’s hand, skin pale as ever, lifelessly resting next to his tall body.   
He took it in his without doing further thinking.   
Hux could not say _what_ he had expected but Kylo’s skin felt entirely different. It was warm and soft and Hux could not help thinking of it as _delicate_.   
He noticed that Kylo had long fingers, he might have become musician in another life, in another universe.   
He slowly turned Ren’s hand upside down, so the back of the kid’s hand was lying in Hux’ own.   
With his other hand, he started tracing Kylo’s palm and its lines. He remembered that his father had once told him about creatures that claimed to be able to tell one’s death, fortune, love life and much more just from a look at the lines on the inside of one’s hands.   
_Stupid nonsense._  
Hux could still hear his father’s voice saying that. Yet, he caught himself taking a close look at Kylo’s lines. But he couldn’t spot anything. Just pale lines against even paler skin. He kept on tracing them his with fingertips, though.  
“Does this feel real?”

_Too much, so._

Hux let out a snort. What was he supposed to make out of that answer? Did Kylo want him to let go? Why would he not?  
They despised each other, after all. Carefully and much slower than he could justify, he drew back his hand and watched Ren closely. Just when he thought that a reaction would never come, there it was, much weaker than anything else he had received before.

_Don’t_

So he didn’t. Just sat there in silence, feeling Kylo’s soft skin against his, with his mind completely blank. He surely must have lost it. Otherwise, he would not be here but on his bridge, where he belonged. _Do I?_  
Another hour in silence passed by until Hux realized that he had somehow intertwined his fingers with Kylo’s. Where he would have expected shock was just a very warm feeling in his belly, though.   
He looked up at Kylo’s face, taking in the sight of his heavy long hair which wasn’t as shiny as it used to be anymore.   
He studied his long lashes resting on his pale skin, making an alarming contrast.   
In spite of his aura and what one would expect under the ridiculous bucket he wore on his head, his features were actually – well, not soft – but so very vulnerable.   
Eventually, Hux’ eyes wandered down Kylo’s prominent nose to his lips. Those smooth, full lips that looked way too tender to be hid under a mask all the time.   
Hux’ gaze snapped up to Kylo’s eyes, feeling as if someone was suddenly watching him but they were still closed. So it had probably been the only sane part of him that was left.   
Or had Ren… with the force…?  
At that moment, Hux wished nothing more than for Ren to open his eyes and look up at him. Hux wondered what he would read in them. With the dim lights in the room, he would not be able to make out where Kylo’s pupils ended and where his iris began. Would the fear that he had heard in Ren’s eyes also be evident in his gaze?  
Hux wondered if he would now spot something in Kylo’s incredibly dark eyes that had not been there before.  
And then he wondered if it was showing in his own eyes, at that very moment.

The thought alone made him feel sick and he all but ran out of the room. Kylo didn’t say anything else.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> And thanks for the comments! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go... Final chapter...

 

Time did not matter when Hux was running down the endless corridors of the Finalizer. He could not tell if he had been running for seconds or hours, did not stop for all the people calling his name.  
He had a destination, he had somewhere to be.  
The sound of his heels on the metallic floor echoed loudly through the ship and the noise hurt his head with every step but he did not want to stop – couldn’t, even if he did.   
He kept on running until his lungs hurt, knowing that he was coming closer to where he was heading with every step.   
Suddenly, a wall exploded right in front of him, right in time before Hux would have hit it, and he kept going, jumping over the debris. Now it was too dark to really make out anything but he could feel it now, feel a warm body lying on the ground right next to him. Hux kneeled down and carefully felt for the person that was apparently hurt, if the pained groans were any indicator.   
He felt something wet and realized that it was warm blood, coming out of a wound on the person’s head.   
A hand crawled around his, desperately trying to cling on.  
Now someone was screaming and it took Hux an awfully long time to realize that it was himself.  
“Save me,” the figure whispered, “Hux, please, save me.”  
_Kylo._

Hux woke up still screaming, with his blankets tightly, too tightly, wrapped around his body, wetted by his own sweat.   
He rolled up in a ball, drawing in his knees and hugging himself while he tried to catch his breath.   
_Just a dream_ , he told himself, _that was just a dream_.  
No, it _wasn’t_ and he knew it. Kylo had experienced just that. Apart from the fact that Hux had not been there to save him, _no one_ had been there to save him until the medics had showed up.   
And Hux had even thought about strangling Ren on his way to med bay right after the attack. What had he done?   
He got out of bed and put on whichever uniform was draped over the chair behind his desk, caring awfully less about his sweaty body and dishevelled hair.   
It was in the early morning hours but it was just as dark as any time, there just wasn’t any light where they were at the moment. Constantly hidden away in the shadow of a planet.   
He made it to the medical station in no time and all the doctors seemed to be asleep at the moment, just like their patients.   
His hand was shaking so hard that Hux missed the key card in his pocket a few times until he eventually managed to slip it out and open the hydraulic door.

Kylo Ren was still lying perfectly still when Hux carefully closed the door behind him, shielding the both of them from the rest of the galaxy.   
This time, he just sat down on the edge of Ren’s bed.   
Hux thought that he had never felt worse in his entire life. How had he not seen? How had he not understood that he had always hated Ren so much because being angry at him was so much easier than… this?  
Again, he wished so much that Kylo would just open his eyes. Wished he could manipulate the force the way Ren could, to bring him back to consciousness again.   
Hux let out a sigh.  
He was just a human. A human in the uniform of a General, but just a human from Arkanis, after all.  
There was nothing special about him. Nothing that would cause Kylo to look at him in the way that Hux was undoubtedly looking at Ren right now.   
“Are you there?” Hux whispered, taking Kylo’s hand in his once again. Maybe he was actually asleep this time.

 _Always_.

The answer was short and left Hux behind not knowing how to feel. Should he leave again? He didn’t want to.   
“Are you feeling better?”

_I’m not feeling lonely._

“That’s not what I asked.”

_But it’s the same thing, actually._

Hux stared at Kylo. He was sounding so… alive. But that didn’t matter. Ren’s force was strong but his body was weak.   
“I’m not good company,” Hux answered and his voice was still barely more than a whisper.   
There was no reaction from Kylo and Hux grew sure that he had said something wrong, until…

_You’re the only company I seek._

Hux’ eyes fluttered shut. Kylo could not be serious. If he was conscious, he would never say those things. He would never want him.   
With his eyes closed, he could just pretend that Kylo was perfectly fine and standing in front of him while speaking, not lying half dead in a fucking hospital bed.

_It is still hard to distinguish between what is real and what is not._

Hux imagined how Kylo would frown while saying that, a look of confusion showing on his face that both of them weren’t used to.   
“I’m real.”

_That’s what dream-you says all the time._

Hux felt how all the oxygen that had been left in his body was squeezed out of his lungs at once. And then he made a decision.  
Slowly, and carefully not to hurt Kylo in any way, he lifted the blanket that was covering Ren’s strong body and lay down beside him, his hand coming to rest on Kylo’s muscular chest. By spreading his fingers, Hux could feel Ren’s body heat against his palms and his own body, such a sure sign that Kylo was still alive. He placed the blanket back over both of them and rested his ear right above Kylo’s heart.   
His breath got caught in his lungs and each and every sane part of his brain screamed at him to stop whatever he was doing but Kylo was so _warm_ and he could feel his strong heart beat against his cheek. He could even _hear_ it, now.   
He never wanted to leave and his eyes fell close again.   
“I wanted to kill you, I think.”  
He was surprised by his own words and immediately wished he could take them back but they were out and there was nothing he could do.  
“I’m so sorry, Ren, but I think I wanted to kill you when I came to visit you for the first time. Not save you.”

_You have no idea how many times I wanted to kill you, before._

Hux knew that Kylo was telling the truth: He had seen it in his black eyes many times.   
Hux inhaled Ren’s scent and held him even closer, never wanting to let go.  
“Does this feel real?” he asked and was sure that Kylo could hear him, even though he had barely moved his lips.  
  
_“Not real enough.”_

It took Hux a few seconds but when the realization hit him, his whole body froze, just his gaze snapped up.   
All he could see was black. The black of Kylo’s hair, the black stubble on his chin, but most importantly the beautiful _beautiful_ black of his eyes, looking down at him.  
And there it was – that something that had not been in his gaze before. Or maybe Kylo had just been exceptionally good at hiding it from Hux, wearing that damn mask all the fucking time.   
It made him look vulnerable, made his dark eyes look scared and oh-so-tender.   
It made Hux feel as if someone had forced him to drink a glass of lava, burning its way through his insides.   
Kylo truly was a walking contradiction, with his hard body and soft eyes, strong nose and smooth lips, his ship-destroying lightsaber with his dark armor and what hid underneath.   
And for the split of second, Hux was afraid that this Kylo, conscious Kylo, would not want him but he was proven wrong when Ren brought him up almost effortlessly.   
Hux was sure that he had never seen the kid so unsure of himself and that gave him the courage to close the gap between them and place his lips against Ren’s.   
When the younger man hesitated, Hux wondered if he was Ren’s first. He carefully placed a hand in his neck and moved his lips against Kylo’s, capturing his red lips between his own.   
The other man tasted of something Hux had never tasted before and it was so utterly _him_ that it nearly blew the General’s mind. When Ren bit down on his lip by accident, Hux chuckled softly against Kylo’s mouth.

 _Don’t laugh at me._  
  
Hux was pretty sure that Ren could speak normally by now but apparently, he did not want to break their kiss just yet.   
“I’m not,” he breathed against Kylo’s lips and kissed him again and it was sweet in a way that Hux would never have thought possible.  
It was then that Hux realized that he had never kissed someone he loved.

_You have indeed, saved me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it... 
> 
> It would mean SO MUCH if you told me what you think xx  
> Thank's for the great comments so far!
> 
> And IF you liked it, you could read the other Kylux Fanfic that I just started.   
> :)


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